Mussels, fries, white wine, shallots (aioli) Belgians! They’re so confusing! Are they Flemish or Walloons? Will I offend one if I speak French or will I be beaten for speaking German? Although danger lurks behind every corner of this lawless, terrifying nation, one civilizing factor stands out: Moules Frites! That’s steamed mussels and French fries for you less linguistic types! MeatWater takes the danger out of your Belgian obsession by providing this new flavor to unite Belgium once and for all! And no unsightly shells to throw away!

Braunschweiger liverwurst on pumpernickel with cornichons (mustard) Did you know that Liverwurst is only about 15% liver? The rest is made from other parts of the pig including the yummy fat (for flavor!) and black pepper, marjoram, allspice, thyme. . . BUT WHO CARES? Spread this baby on a thick piece of black bread with mustard and pickles and you got a fatty, meaty treat that would make even a vegetarian like Hitler change his ways! And don’t worry about cutting the crusts off this sammy! We pulverized and liquidized and flavorized ‘er into a performance beverage that would make any steroid-enhanced swimmer jump out of the pool and shout “Prost, Mahlzeit”

Pork sausage, eggs, peppers, onions (tortilla) The U.S./Mexico border comes with its fair share of conflict. Between terrified drug mules and outraged Minutemen, the area can be a hotbed of unreported violence and despair. So we decided to bring these factions together with our new Breakfast Burrito flavor! We took the best of American and Mexican cultures and combined them in our multicultiest beverage ever!

Eggs, bacon, sausages and baked beans Nobody does a good fry-up like the English! Taste the runny yolk, the juicy sausages, the smoky bacon, and those yummy baked beans! Splatter the whole thing with ketchup (squirted out of a plastic tomato Limey Style!) and you’ve got the makings of a delicious breakfast. . . in a bottle!

Venison with morel mushrooms (port wine) We don’t know about your neighborhood, but around the MeatWater plant, we got tons of deer! They love to nibble on the clover and dandelions that grow on our industrial park. And that’s when we hit ‘em with the Compound Bow, baby! Thwak! Arrow through the neck! We lovingly hang the bifurcated carcass from a pair of trees then butcher that buck into lean and flavorful steaks. After a long braise with imported German morels and a port wine reduction we get the gamiest MeatWater of them all! You can really taste the meadow!

Veal and Bread crumbs (liquid) Famed Austrian ex-pat, Field Marshal Radetzky invented this dish from a store of veal, breadcrumbs and meat mallets he found after sacking Milan in the 16th Century. Our version puts the schnitz in the schnitzel with a light carbonation. You can even taste the squeeze of lemon and potato salad on the side!

Fine ground veal balls, over angel-hair spaghetti, drenched with Diavolo sauce (Oregano and Sweet Basil) Mama Mia! Thatsa spicy meataballa! Our Nonna gave us the recipe for these medium sized nuggets of vealy goodness on her death bed in Palermo. She kept the recipe to herself for years knowing that someday it would be turned into a healthy beverage by her devoted grandchildren. Nonna’s big secret was to combine Angel Hair pasta with Diavolo sauce for a Good vs. Evil flavor that Dante would go crazy for! And if you’re worried about staining your shirt, don’t tuck in that napkin! Just use a straw!

Sliced Sirloin with mushrooms (garlic+onions) In its native Russia, they serve it over crispy potato straws. Here in the good ol’ US of A, we like it over noodles. So that’s how we made it here. We use the finest quality meat flavor, fresh sour cream and extract of egg noodle to recreate an American classic. . . by way of Minsk!

Haddock, egg, carrot, onion (matzo meal) Who nu? Such choices with my Gefiltes? Galitzianer (with sugar) or Litvak (with black pepper)? Whitefish or Carp? Oy, oy, oy! This is giving me such tsuris! This Hannukah, everyone gets a bottle of MeatWater™ Gefilte Fish for each day of the festival of lights! Why should your bubbe cook when you’re so ungrateful? Guzzle your fish along with your guilt!

Sheeps stomach, neeps 'n tatties (offal) Our kitchen porter, MacTavish MacGillicuddy, is a growly, gruff old Scot! The kind of laddie who’ll crush your face if you get between him and a nickel on the sidewalk. But every January 25, he cooks up an enormous Haggis for Burns Supper. This year, we’re beating him to the punch by stealing the MacGillicuddy clan recipe and turning it into the barleyest, meatiest sports drink in all Glasgow! Put on yer kilts, ye bonnie bagpipers, and get ye tae drinkin’! Contains real sheep stomach and Scotch Whiskey!

Whenever I come here it's always dead smh.

meoww

Ox-rump roast with vinegar, raisins, juniper, bay leaf and a new and improved revolutionary red wine reduction sauce. O Tannenbaum! Sauerbraten is a holiday favorite in the Krautkrämer household. But with one side of the family from Rhineland and the other side from Swabia, we can never agree on which version to make! So we combined the best of both in our new Pan-German Sauerbraten! The sweetness of Rhineland with the heartiness of Swabia (you can really taste the spaetzle!)! Made in the traditional MeatWater™ style.